The Barney

A Tribute To Edgar Allen Poe, By Brian Bull

Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I pondered weak and weary
Over many a quaint and curious TV show of insipid goo

While I followed, nearly napping, my last ounce of mind close to snapping,
As my TV went about crapping,
"I love you...."

I fumbled for the remote, for this stupid show I could not devote
My last precious point of pure IQ;
But the remote was not to be found, and I stared into a purple face
not profound
Quoth the Barney,
"I love you..."

Deep into that abyss peering, long I stood there, nauseaus, fearing
Watching, staring, at idiocy never before dared shown in view;
This ghastly fat and bloated lizard, fumbling about the nameless school,
Tell me what demons make this unwholesome due!
Quoth the Barney,
"I love you...."

"Devil!" screamed I, "Gutbag of evil--devil still, if dino or eggplant!
By that heaven that bends above us, by that God we all reel to
Take thy idiot grin from my TV, and never my mental state attack
with your purple doo-doo!"

Quoth the Barney,
"I love you..."

Shrieking rather madly, and wielding quite glady,
A chainsaw of sound repute
To PBS I entered, my chainsaw easily splintered
The gaudy set of The One Not Cute;

Within moments I had plunged, the chainsaw which I lunged,
Into the purple breast of this loathsome brute
Bleeding quite superbly, the Barney fell perturbedly,
While his children rather horrified away did scoot.
Quoth the Barney,
"I love you....

" love me, we're a happy family, so I must implore
Do not kill me, for I am Barney, so will you put your chainsaw down
and away from my wounded sores?"
To which I replied,


@ Copyright 1996, Brian Bull
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