The children of the Church of Purple Love were the first to hear the bestial shrieks and growls coming from the lower dungeons. Confused parents hurriedly donned their cloaks and made their way to the corridors. Merrick, head priest and founder of the Church of Purple Love, was the first to reach the damp and dreary laboratory of Dr. Copernicus, from where the noises came.
Before Merrick's astonished eyes, Dr. Copernicus came crashing through the door, his clothes torn and ragged.
"Get out!" screamed the Doctor. "They're loose, they're all loose!"
"Dr. Copernicus," began Merrick, helping the Doctor off the floor, "have you lost your senses? What have you done down there?"
"Run, just run, and get everyone out of here immediately!" Dr. Copernicus broke from Merrick's grasp and fled down the corridor.
Merrick stared after him and cautiously made his way to the door. Upon peering inside, he was met with a horrifying scene...
The laboratory was nothing more than a smouldering heap of broken glass, spilled chemicals, and shattered furniture. Amidst this wreckage were various mutated creatures, half-man, half-Barnoid. They were pudgy, reptilian mongrels dancing and circling about the laboratory stupidly, except for two locked in combat in the center of the room. Merrick gasped when he realized what they were.
It was the Copernicus-Barney and the Krupper-Barney. The two were clawing and biting each other with horrid ferocity. On the floor was a curious looking object, it seemed out of place among the purple behemoths. Then Merrick realized what the object was. It was Dr. Krupper’s arm. Merrick shrieked in terror.
Immediately, the half-man, half-Barnoid creatures turned towards Merrick. The room went quiet. There were probably a dozen of the ungodly monsters clustered in the laboratory. Merrick slowly staggered out of the room. As he cleared the doorway the first of the creatures lunged out with its claws and idiotic grin and began chasing him. The others, save for the "Barneys" wrestling in the center of the room, followed suit.
* * * * * * * * * *
Dr. Copernicus cursed under his breath. As he looked out from an old subway entrance, he noticed a couple squads of police surveying the area. They were only a few hundred yards away. Any disturbance would bring them over and the entire Church of Purple Love could be discovered. Very well, he thought. We'll contain the beasts here and now. And if we kill some cops in the process, so be it.
Copernicus called down the main shaft and alerted several guards and Loved Ones, who, armed with rifles and crude spears, sealed off the exits to the compound and awaited the arrival of the monsters. Under no circumstances, would either "Barney" be killed. Just the failed prototypes.
Kill with extreme prejudice, he emphasized.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"My, you certainly are a playful sort," quipped the Krupper-Barney as he pushed the Copernicus-Barney down a flight of stone stairs. The Copernicus-Barney hit the concrete floor hard, and saw whirling stars flickering before its eyes. It tried to raise itself off the floor, but gasped and collapsed back on its side, breathing raspingly. From above, the Krupper-Barney giggled with glee and wobbled its gargantuan hind-quarters.
"Hyuk, it appears that I've killed that impersonator, now there's just me, the True Barney!"
The Krupper-Barney victoriously bounded down the steps and approached its fallen opponent out of curiousity and triumph. No more had the Krupper-Barney leant down over the Copernicus-Barney’s body, than it instantly sprang upward and clamped its perfect white teeth over the Krupper-Barney’s windpipe. The hot, purple ichor pouring down its throat was a satisfying reward. The Krupper-Barney gurgled and struggled frantically, flailing desperately with its stubby arms, trying to break free. But the Copernicus-Barney pressed its teeth deeper into the plush throat of its opponent. Within minutes, the Krupper-Barney heaved a final breath and collapsed upon the floor, in a puddle of its own steaming blood.
As the Copernicus-Barney lay on the ground, drenched with the dead Barney's ichor, lights danced and rattled within its head. Vague images and faces floated up at him, and a curious realization crept upon the creature.
He was not Barney. He was a man named Barry Clements, a grade-school teacher. But now he was monster, a twisted creation of a berserk scientist. The horrid realization hit the man's psyche like a steam engine, and his anguish exploded in a blood-curdling scream that shook the foundations of the laboratory.
* * * * * * * * * *
Copernicus emptied bullet after bullet into the raging purple behemoth that lunged at him. This particular creation had a human head crudely grafted upon its thick reptilian shoulders, while it dragged a spindly, hairy tail behind it. Copernicus fired a round directly into its mouth, the back of its head exploding against the stone wall behind it.
The monster hit the ground and quivered, muttering, "....Love me too...." until its final gasp.
Merrick turned to Dr. Copernicus. "That makes five, there’s about six more still loose".
"Yes," replied the Doctor. "As I said, Dr. Krupper broke into my laboratory and set them all free. The poor man must've gone insane to do something like that."
"I saw what was left of him," replied Merrick. "Poor fool must've suffered terribly!”
Dr. Copernicus shielded his smile from Merrick. "Yes, he was practically torn limb to limb by those beasts. They’re all very strong, very violent. Praise be to Barney that we’ve kept ourselves well-armed.”
Before Merrick could reply, an agonized scream bellowed from down the hallway. The men advanced, accompanied by a few guards and a small pack of Loved Ones. When they cleared the corner, they saw another half-man, half-Barnoid creature munching on a hapless group of Loved Ones. The beast was a thick-limbed monstrosity with huge bulging veins and open sores over its body. Its jaws were way too immense and heavy for its head. The creature had trouble standing upright.
"Aim at its neck and jawline!," commanded Copernicus, "those are it’s weakest areas!”
The Loved Ones and guards followed his suggestions and within minutes the ensuing barrage cracked the Barnoid beast like a steamed lobster.
"Wonderful," said Dr. Copernicus, loading his rifle. "If we can keep at this we'll save the compound from certain destruction".
A cloaked minion of the Church of Purple Love made his way around the corner. "Dr. Copernicus! Reverend Merrick! I've just come back from the hospital area. We’ve got the last few creatures penned in there. If we can get reinforcements, we can keep them from the childrens’ ward!”
"Good job,," smiled Merrick, laying his hands on the youth's shoulders. "In All That is Purple, I Love You. Won't you say you love me too?"
"I love you," nodded the minion. "Our fun and learning never ends."
* * * * * * *
Barry Clements stared at his reflection in the shattered pieces of glass on the floor. Every vestige of humanity had been stripped off his lithe skeleton, now heaps of bloated purple skin and blubber had been sloppily piled on. For the first time in months, he knew what he was and what it was to be Barney, the Purple Dinosaur. But he only felt horror and sickened repulsion at what he had become. A monster.
He looked at the Krupper-Barney on the floor, its throat shredded and stringy, thin wisps of steam drifting into the cold air of the cellar dungeon. Mortified as he was at his act of murder, he felt little remorse at the Krupper-Barney's death. Its twisted, sick motivations would surface no more to warp the minds of innocent children and naive parents. He picked himself off and made his way towards the laboratory entrance.
As he neared the western corridor, he suddenly heard cries of frightened children. He quickened his pace and made off towards the hospital.
* * * * *
"Dammit, man, fire!" screamed Dr. Copernicus, "they're almost on us!"
The minion and several guards frantically loaded their rifles and fired into the advancing wall of Barnoid-mutations. It seemed that the few remaining beasts were the strongest and most terrible. A small group of children were trapped between the monsters and a crumbling barricade.
Merrick came running back into the western corridor with a small metal case, and unclasped its contents. The case contained several tightly wrapped bundles of plastique explosives.
“Keep those things back,” cried Merrick, unspooling the wire charges, “one wrong move and we’re all history.”
"No promises, just get those charged!" yelled Dr. Copernicus, focusing his sights on a Barnoid-mutant's temple. His next shot brought the beast down.
The remaining Barnoid-monsters suddenly lunged away from the defenders and made an advance towards the children. The youngsters shrieked and huddled together, clenching their Barney and Baby Bop Dolls. As the gang of grinning, slobbering, pack of pudgy creatures edged closer, Merrick put the finishing touches on a case of plastiques.
"Get them away from those kids!” ordered Merrick, “I’m not setting this off until they’re away from them!”
Despite a volley of well-aimed shots, none of the cultists were able to stop the advance of the gibbering monsters. The children shrieked in terror as the remaining Barnoid-beasts began to paw and grab at their bodies.
"There's no way to save them," muttered Dr. Copernicus, "no way at all".
The next instant, before everyone's astonished eyes, the Copernicus-Barney leapt out from the shadows and flung itself upon the crowd of Barnoid mutants. The ensuing battle was unparalleled in its ferocity and grotesqueness.
Within moments two of the Barnoid mutants were dying, their innards spilling out onto the barren stone floor. A second later another one had both arms torn off, and ran off into the darkness, spilling a pinkish trail of ichor behind it. Now the Copernicus-Barney, Barry Clements, set about destroying the remaining two beasts.
While the three monsters battled, the children, spattered with blood and fragments of bone, came running back to the cultists. Dr. Copernicus held back on the plastique and focused the minion's gunfire upon the last two Barnoid-monsters.
As Barry Clements fought, he felt the pain sear through his body like fire from the scratches and bites he sustained from the beasts. His plush, purple claws locked onto the skull of one and with his newfound strength, shattered it like a pumpkin. The monster giggled, and as its brains oozed out of its nostrils, sank to the floor and smiled.
The last Barnoid-mutation frantically looked for an escape. As bullet after bullet ripped into its sullen flesh, the Copernicus-Barney lifted it off its feet and flung it against the wall. Its bones shattered like toothpicks, and within seconds the last creature lay dying on the ground.
Silence came like a heavy curtain, acrid gunsmoke drifting lazily through the corridor. The creature that used to be Barry Clements fell onto its knees, gasping for air. It had been a terrible battle, and Barry was the ultimate victor.
Dr. Copernicus steadily approached his creation. "Barry?"
The bleeding, fat purple dinosaur lifted its head lazily. "Are...the children...safe....monsters gone....?"
"Yes, Barry, the monsters are all gone. Our children are safe. Where is the other Barney?"
The creature chuckled. "...not good....wanted to steal minds of....the minds of your children....and naive parents.....was evil."
Dr. Copernicus patted Barry on his shoulder, and suddenly noticed to his dismay that it was dislocated. "Barry, I'm going to take you back to the laboratory. You need help immediately. We're going to make you better, help you get your mind back. Don't you feel that's a super-de-duper idea?"
"It's a super-de-duupper...........idea," muttered Barry. "What...what...will happen to me then?"
"It'll be incredible, Barry," said Dr. Copernicus. "We'll finish your complete transformation into Barney, and you'll be broadcast live all over the world. The Age of Barney will rise again, and the Church of Purple Love will dominate supreme. Those who do not follow your teachings will be purged!"
"....Purple Holocaust..." groaned the creature," ...like Jeremy Phillips said...."
"Forget what Jeremy Phillips said, that’s not important now,"assured Dr. Copernicus, helping Barry to his immense cushy feet. "Merrick, come here and help me."
Merrick put the charged bundles aside and came to help Barry. The three of them began heading back to the laboratory, as the surviving Loved Ones and minions began clearing the debris. The children returned to the upper level, back to their parents. When they approached the metal case of plastique, Merrick held the dinosaur back.
"Easy, big guy," said Merrick. "That's some touchy stuff, keep back.”
"Dr. Copernicus....I..am...the new beginning....another Purple Holocaust?" asked Barry.
"Such a loaded phrase, let's not call it that, Barry," said Dr. Copernicus. The scientist was growing noticeably impatient with Barry’s questions.
"Children....slaves....adults killed....death," muttered Barry.
"Such talk!" laughed Dr. Copernicus nervously. "Please Barn- I mean, Barry, let's move on. This is getting us nowhere." He noticed some of the Loved Ones and cultists were also looking uncomfortable. "Let's sing a song, a happy song," he suggested. "I love you, you love me..."
"...We're a happy family...." added Merrick.
"With a great big hug and kiss from me to you..." joined the Loved Ones and minions.
"..Won't you say you love me too!!" shrieked Barry, his huge reptilian face contracting into a purplish mass of agony, " Oh God, what have you done to me! What have you done!?!"
Before Dr. Copernicus or Merrick could react, Barry Clements, once a respected elementary school teacher, tore the metal case out of the priest's hands and flung it with unbridled strength against the compound floor.
The plastique exploded upon impact.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
At first Detective Riley thought the explosion was an ignited gas leak, but then he turned and saw the smoke. Huge pillars of concrete were flung into the air like pencils, and huge rifts formed in the earth. The sounds of twisting metal and cracking rock sounded like the death throes of a gigantic beast.
Call in back-up on the double!" Riley barked at his deputies, "and call in search and rescue crews, advise heavy machinery for excavation!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Tons of dirt and rubble cascaded into the compound, the cries of cultists and Loved Ones drowned out by the din of collapsing concrete. Under a shattered cement column, Barry Clements, his thick,blubbery, reptilian body slowly being crushed by the upheaval, smiled weakly. As he lay dying, the final vestiges of a Barney-cult died with him. The realization put him at a long-awaited peace, amidst the raging torrent of earth and mortar. The next instant the world lapsed into darkness, an eternity for the Church of Purple Love and its twisted machinations.
* * * * * * * *
It was twelve hours since the explosions had ruptured the abandoned subway complex. Squad cars, bulldozers, and ambulances dotted the devastated landscape. Detectives Riley and Malson surveyed the damage, as the afternoon sun began to sink further behind the skyline. One policeman approached the two men, wiping the grime from his face.
"How many are there, lieutenant?" asked Detective Riley.
"So far we've discovered forty-seven cultists," answered the policeman, "but that's just in the main corridor. Blueprints of this old subway system reveal at least nine other possible links. This is one of the largest concentrations of Barney-cultism we've seen yet".
"Anything else?" asked Malson.
The policeman's face took on a grave look. "Yes, but don't ask me to describe it. It's beyond anything I've ever imagined. Follow me".
Riley and Malson followed the man through the barricades over to an immense, open pit. They looked down and saw at least a dozen half-human, half-dinosaur creatures. All were purplish, with idiotic grins and plush talons.
"All the time, they were down here trying to recreate the horror," said Riley, wiping his brow. "Looks like they came very close to doing that, too."
“Indeed,” agreed Malson, “I’d say they were well within reach”.
"What should we do with those remains?" asked the policeman.
Riley sat and stared at the twisted and horrid corpses of the Barney-creatures. He clenched his lip and massaged his neck. It was very evident what the best thing to do was.
"Pour all the gasoline you can find and torch this mess," he said, averting his gaze away from the bloated purple flesh-pile. "Let no one excavate this site or examine those remains at any cost. Burn it here and now, and destroy any other specimens you find. We can't let this happen again".
Within the hour a fuel truck had emptied its entire capacity of gasoline into the ghastly trench. Riley watched in sullen satisfaction as the fuel was ignited, immediately absorbing the reptilian bodies in flames. The smell of burning Barnoid-flesh was sickeningly sweet. How very appropriate, thought Riley.
For a brief moment, the searing smoke and heat filled the sky and turned the sun an eerie shade of purple. The next instant it cleared, and disturbed the sky no more. Leaning against a rickety old ticketing booth, Riley gazed long and hard at the spray-painted word on its weathered surface:
NEARBY
In an instant, Riley became afraid again, wondering if there were any other cults such as this one, coming closer and closer to resurrecting Barney the Purple Menace to endanger the world. He swallowed his fear, contained it for the moment, and returned to the cold comfort of his patrol car. Pausing for just a second, Riley thought he heard children singing somewhere in the distance.
END