Jeremy Phillips hung suspended from a thick, sinewy rope, his body slung in a tightly woven net. He stood motionless in the air, about fifty feet down a lightless, bottomless chamber. The dark was impenetrable, the coolness stark and constant. Up above, the Purple Beast's gibbering, chittering servants, the Loved Ones, adjusted the coils and would occasionally hurl stones or mud down at the helpless figure. Jeremy cursed the creatures under his breath, and struggled to escape his bonds. Yet, were he to loose himself of his restraints, there stood the chance he could lose his balance and plummet into the inky blackness below him, to an unseen fate.
Occasionally, Jeremy heard singing up above, and he recognized the voices of his children, Stacy and Mark, coupled with that of Barney and Baby Bop. He still did not know what became of his sister Fran, and he wondered too what had become of Thorton Marshall, who he originally suspected of kidnapping his children.
What Jeremy couldn't figure out was why he was alive. As an adult and original destroyer of Barney, he figured the fat bloated lizard would have killed him in a similar fashion of the murdered kid-show emcees. Perhaps Barney wanted him to suffer, to see his own children reject him? Jeremy's train of thought was momentarily broken when he heard singing again, just outside the cavern mouth.
I'm Barney, you love me, I am here for eternity, Open your hearts now, let me inside, by my laws you will abide . . . .
"Wonderful singing, everyone," said Barney, "but let's try it again from the top, with a bit more pitch and less pause between the verses."
Jeremy listened and understood immediately. They were rehearsing. But for what?
"Over here," motioned Bill, "this studio and studio A and B were looted sometime yesterday. They didn't take everything, but everything needed to do an independent broadcast and beam it off our main satellite. Whoever took this stuff plans on doing their own show, and on a large scale!"
Chief Davies finished writing his notes, and clapped the pad together. "So you're saying that who ever works the stolen equipment will be able to broadcast all over the D.C area?"
Bill shook his head, his eyes upon the floor. "More than that, officer. Who ever works that stuff will be able to broadcast uninterupted . . . nationwide if they wanted to. Our relay station ties into forty-seven others, all across the country. Who ever did this had some outside help."
"Do you think it could have been Jeremy Phillips? He just disappeared."
"No, not Jeremy. Jeremy's the most solid character on the face of the earth. I've my suspicions, but time will tell I reckon."
"Why Thorton Marshall, look at you!" beamed the Purple Dinosaur. "I do believe you're in a lot of pain!"
Thorton Marshall looked up at the chubby reptile and weakly smiled. The man lay on his back upon a thick, high, concrete slab under a sickly green sheet. His body was covered in blue, purple, and black spots where the flesh had been bruised and broken. Various sections of his body twisted and bent in painful positions, indicating the injuries he had sustained when Fran Phillips ran over him in her car. Were it not for the dense padding of his Barney Suit, the damage may have been much worse.
Barney and Baby Bop stood cheerfully over the broken man's limp and broken body. Barney was garbed in a surgeon's smock and headpiece, and gleefully applied a cold steel stethoscope in various areas of the patient, eliciting an occasional groan and short cry of agony. Baby Bop was donning a nurse's uniform, and held a tray of rusting, jagged, surgical blades and dingy sponges. Off in the corner sat a trio of Loved Ones, preparing their instruments. Fran, who had struck Thorton in the park with her vehicle, sat strapped to a chair and was gagged. With a nod to the musicians, Barney began to sing . . . .
Thorton Marshall got run down, ee-i-ee-i-o!
And boy is he in loads of pain, ee-i-ee-i-o!
With a crushed rib there, a fracture there, here a break,
There a break, everywhere a break-break,
Thorton Marshall got run down, ee-i-ee-i-o!
The purple dinosaur began applying bandages and removing fragments of debris from the injured man's wounds. Thorton began to beg for morphine, but Barney just laughed and pushed the man's head back upon the slab. Baby Bop cut in with the next verse . . . .
Thorton Marshall is a mess, ee-i-ee-o!
I doubt he'll be the same again, ee-i-ee-i-o!
He's lost some blood, his pulse is weak, here a clot,
There a clot, everywhere a clot-clot,
Thorton Marshall is a mess, ee-i-ee-i-o!
Fran watched in horror and revulsion as the two dinosaurs began wrapping Thorton in old tape and applying crude splints to his shattered limbs. He would be better off getting medical care in the hospital, thought Fran. This form of medicine was barbaric.
At the close of the song, Barney and Baby Bop laughed long and hard. Thorton, in his delirium, began laughing too. The Loved Ones who had playing the instruments, only looked on in partial interest. They gibbered to each other and began to pack their weathered instruments.
"So Thorton," beamed Barney," you'll be feeling sttuuuupppeeennddousss in no time! Just let Dr. Barney thank you for letting us acquire all of that wonderful studio equipment!"
Thorton gasped under his bandages, he was having a hard time breathing. "You . . . you're welcome, Barney . . . anything for a Special Friend . . . I hope it makes . . . you . . . happy . . . ."
"Happy?" chirped the dinosaur. "You bet your life it makes me happy! C'mon, Baby Bop, let's give our good friend Thorton an extra-special hug!!"
The two gaily-colored lizards knelt down around Thorton and wrapped their arms around him. The two creatures squeezed the injured man tightly, causing him to scream in unbridled agony. Snapping and popping noises protruded from under the tape. Finally Barney and Baby Bop ended their hug and danced arm in arm out the room. Thorton reclined back on the slab, coughing up blood and suffering flashes of light before his eyes.
Fran had worked off her gag and caught her breath. She eyed Thorton scornfully and said, "Some 'friends' you have, you sick fool. Don't you know they use people like you?"
"Shuttup," wheezed the pile of bandages on the slab, "you don't know what true friendship is . . . ."
Jeremy was awakened by the sensation of rising upward. He realized that his cage of rope and darkness was being lifted out of the chamber, and his eyes steadily adjusted to the cave lights at the opening. He was immediately restrained by a few packs of blubbery, goggle-eyed Loved Ones, and the creatures propped him against a thick, leathery-chair. Before him stood a chair and a television set.
A moment later, Barney appeared on the screen. Jeremy grimaced and spat at the picture.
"Now, now, Jeremy, that wasn't really nice," chuckled the purple dinosaur. "I hope you have been comfortable with your new home, I've got so many wonderful things to tell you!"
"Like what, you bloated sack of-"
"Your cage for instance. Did you know that the chamber you've been hanging over is a gateway to an entirely different world? One cut of the rope that binds you, and you'd be falling into a different time, a different place . . . there'd be no return for you. If you remember watching my old programs, you should know I'm really good at magic. That chamber's my best example!"
"Why am I still alive? Make it easy for all of us and kill me now."
"Why Jeremy," gaped Barney, pressing his hands against his face in obvious disbelief, "I can't believe you said that. Surely you want to stick around for the premiere of my new show. I'm making a comeback, and I want you to be there as my Special Guest of Honor!"
"Like Hell I will. No network is going to run your crummy perverted program, and I'm not going to be on it, either!" snapped Jeremy, his disgust steadily increasing.
"Oh, but we're not using a network. My special friend Thorton lent me all kinds of super-great studio equipment, with which we can broadcast anytime, anywhere. People will have no choice but to watch my program. And I also insist you appear on it!"
"And if I don't?"
The Beast of Purple sighed. "Well Jeremy, I guess if you don't, I'll have to get very, very upset. Maybe even take it out on those you love . . . ." With that, Barney pulled Mark and Stacy onto the set with him. The two children smiled and waved at their father from the television screen. "Well kids," continued Barney, "looks like your father refuses to be on my show, so I guess I'll have to . . . eat you!"
Before Jeremy's horrified eyes, Barney's gigantic maw enclosed the tender young heads of his children, biting them off and crunching the tender morsels between his teeth. The headless bodies dropped to the floor, spitting blood upon the camera.
"Noooo! Oh my God, noooo!!!" shrieked Jeremy, flailing madly in the chair. He clenched his teeth in rage and horror, and began to sob uncontrollably . . . .
"April fool, Jeremy!" chuckled the fat, bloated dinosaur. "Those were just examples of our new special effects models, superimposed and animated upon the screen. Sure was convincing, wasn't it?"
Before Jeremy's relieved eyes, Stacy and Mark walked onto the screen, unscathed. They were giggling uncontrollably.
"Boy Dad, you sure were scared!" said Stacy, holding her sides. "As if Barney would really do anything bad to us!"
"Yeah," said Mark, his face red with glee, "he loves us too much for that. What I wouldn't give to see your face again when you thought he bit our heads off!!"
Barney leant towards the screen and winked at Jeremy. "But let's not press our luck, shall we?" He then returned to the two children and the trio began to sing . . . .
I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, With a great big hug and kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too?
Jeremy slumped back into his chair, broken and distraught. The Loved Ones placed him back into the net and lowered him back into the chamber, into the icy stillness. As Jeremy disappeared under the thick veil of black, he heard Barney's voice calling after him from the television monitor:
"See you on the set tomorrow, Jeremy!"