Dr. Copernicus looked at Dr. Krupper and the flabby, brainless, purple reptile standing beside him, who looked identical to his own "Barney", who laid unconscious on the studio floor. There was a moment of astonished silence.
"Where did you get that?" asked Dr. Copernicus, gesturing at Krupper’s Barney.
Dr. Krupper chuckled, and leered at his rival. "Why don't you tell him, Barney?"
The Krupper-Barney giggled and rolled his huge dead eyes. "Well, I'd say that my *special* friend, Dr. Krupper, regenerated me from scarce amounts of my DNA! And a super-deeeee-duuupper job he did, too!" The purple beast wobbled his sagging frame in a childish wiggle of glee.
"You son of a bitch!” hissed Dr. Copernicus, standing up and rolling back his sleeves. " You stole my formulas and wrecked my own experiment! You sabotaged my work and used it to your own interests!" He lunged at Dr. Krupper but was immediately shoved back by the Krupper-Barney.
"Temper, temper, Dr. Copernicus!" chuckled Krupper's creation. "I must say, you need to relax. Shouldn't everyone celebrate my return, despite who brought me back? Let's all sing a song!"
"You sing, Barney, I'm taking Barry Clements back to my lab to see what Krupper's done to him,” replied Dr. Copernicus, “ This isn't over, Krupper, not one damn moment!"
Dr. Krupper only shook his head and laughed at Dr. Copernicus. "Such a poor sport. Face it, I was on the right path all along. It just took time, is all. Now everyone come around and let's sing the True Barney's return!"
From amidst the rubble, children, technicians, Loved Ones, and other devotees of the Church of Purple Love came out and slowly approached the Krupper-Barney. The obese dinosaur warmly embraced his followers and motioned his servants to pick up their instruments and play. Noting the cue, everyone chimed in to sing the song that started it all, while Dr. Copernicus wheeled his Copernicus-Barney away on a rusty gurney....
I love you, you love me, we're a happy family....
With a great big kiss and hug, from me to you,
Won't you say you love me too?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * **
Detective Riley searched the landscape and winced. He and seven deputies were situated in a desolate meadow, searching for signs of a possible Barneyian compound.
"Did you hear anything?" Riley asked a deputy.
"Hear what, sir?"
"Would've sworn I heard singing....an old and notorious tune that eludes me now...but it's associated with the Barney Cults...."
The young deputy closed his eyes and listened intently. After a moment he shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't hear anything."
"Perhaps it's just the wind," muttered Riley. "But for a split second I really thought I heard singing....just wishful thinking, I suppose".
* * * * * * * *
Dr. Copernicus spun the body fluid samples in the agitator, seperating foreign matters from the collected plasma. Upstairs he could hear the Krupper-Barney singing and dancing. He knew they were taping new episodes. The first since Jeremy Phillips vanquished Barney's second coming. But while he should have felt elated to have the Plush Purple Demon of Love back, he was angry. Intensely angry. Dr. Krupper was receiving credit and admiration that was not his to have in the first place. And he did so at the cost of Dr. Copernicus' own reputation and place among the Church. It would be payback time before long.
Meanwhile, the Copernicus-Barney lay on the gurney, sedated and mindless, drool dribbling down its chin. He began muttering nursery songs and exclamations of love. It was hard to believe that not long ago, this freakish beast used to be Barry Clements, a highly revered and trusted elementary teacher. But given Copernicus' skill at surgery and psychological reconditioning, every vestige of Barry’s humanity had been stripped clean. Now only the essence of Barney the Dinosaur remained.
But something was still wrong.
Copernicus removed the vials from the agitator and began running them through the bio-filters. He plugged the samples into the main analyzing grid and began to sift through the many chemicals that composed the creature. Within time, he would have his answer....
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Merrick laughed uproariously at the zany antics of the fat purple dinosaur, who wobbled and skipped merrily with the entourage of children. Even the young child whose arm was bitten off by the Copernicus-Barney the previous week was having fun.
Merrick turned to one of his technicians and said, " I can feel it in the air again. Barney is back among us!"
The technician, a spindly middle-aged man with a pock-marked face, smiled and nodded in agreement. "That it is. We’re taping six episodes a day now, and when we get the resources to put him back on-air, there won’t be a person alive who can resist his will. He’ll be coined as the Purple Messiah, come back from the dead!”
"Hey kids," grinned the Krupper-Barney, "let's sing a song about how we want the world to be in a short while. Wouldn't it be super-dee-duuper special if I could go back out into the real world again, to share my love with all those people?"
"Yes!" shrieked the squirming mass of entranced children. "We love you Barney! We need you back!"
Dr. Krupper stood outside the studio, chuckling to himself and formulating ways to bring back Baby Bop and BJ. Now that the ultimate success had been achieved, he could relax a little and focus upon the resurrection of Barney's allies. They would be known as the Triumvirate of Love. With all three beings back and united, there was no way that civilization could stand up against such combined might.
Dr. Krupper ceded, however, that he'd have to sneak back into Dr. Copernicus' laboratory and review his rival's findings. That wouldn't be difficult, as he knew Copernicu turned in just a few hours after midnight each evening. Until then, he would sit back and enjoy the merriment. He wasn’t half the “sourman” he was before.
* * * * * * *
Formula 7966-D.
Dr. Copernicus had run the scanner twice. There was no denying it. The clear, red drug had been pumped into his experiment at some time, probably by Dr. Krupper.
Originally designed for temporary blockage of neuron transmissions for aversive therapies, Formula 7966-D could also cause permanent brain damage and insanity if administered in excessive doses. Which had happened to Barry Clements.
"You sick, twisted old coot," muttered Dr. Copernicus, pacing in the laboratory. He looked at his "Barney", still trembling and shaking on the gurney. "Barney, listen to me. You were of my own creation. You are actually known as Barry Clements, an elementary school teacher. I met you at your house one day, and took you here. I turned you into Barney the Dinosaur. Do you remember?"
The bloated abomination only giggled and drooled, rolling its head in mindless abandon. Dr. Copernicus was seized with the urge to cut the beast’s throat, and pulled a gleaming scalpel from a counter and approached the monster. Looking into its pained eyes, the scientist paused, and dropped the instrument to the floor. Copernicus ran his fingers through his hair, pacing about the laboratory. Struck with an idea, he then opened up a cabinent and removed a vial of milky green fluid. He emptied it into a hypodermic and returned to the Copernicus-Barney.
"I'm going to try to repair your mind, Barry Clements," said Copernicus in a calm, soothing voice. "I'm going to inject this into your arm, so it'll hurt a little, but it may unblock what’s affecting your mind. " He slid the needle into the lumpy, purple flesh and the creature cooed, and giggled again. Copernicus checked his watch. It was almost one o’clock in the morning. He was up longer than usual. But if all went well, the drug would be taking effect in a few moments.
A loud, reasonant clang from down the hall caused Dr. Copernicus to start. He quickly darted across the room and shut off the lights. As Copernicus waited, he heard approaching the sound of approaching footsteps. There were at least two intruders coming. Whoever they were, they were not here to see Dr. Copernicus. They would've called for him, or called from the gate. Copernicus positioned himself out of sight, and waited.
Two figures entered the laboratory, and turned on the lights.
It was Dr. Krupper and his variant of "Barney".
The Copernicus-Barney lay writhing on the gurney, seemingly oblivious to the visitors. Dr. Krupper anxiously looked around, searching for notes. The Krupper-Barney teasingly bounced over to the restrained Copernicus-Barney on the gurney and giggled and waved his paws about the other's face.
"Barney, cut that out!" whispered Dr. Krupper. "We need to find those additional lab notes so we can recreate Baby Bop and BJ!"
"Just having fun," chuckled the Krupper-Barney. "This laboratory is really fun to visit! Especially seeing Dr. Copernicus' effort to remake me. Isn't he funny?"
"It's not going to be funny if we get caught, now please, Barney, help me look for those notes!"
"Oh, very well, "sighed the chubby monster, still smiling lazily and wobbling about.
From the darkened corner, Copernicus glared angrily at Dr. Krupper. In his rage, a devious idea entered his mind. Quietly reaching into his lab coat, he pulled out a remote control and aimed it at a metal partition across the lab. Several mettalic clangs signalled the unlocking of an immense metal door.
"What was that!?" Krupper asked, breaking into a minor sweat.
"I've no idea, let's investigate!" chimed the Krupper-Barney.
The two figures slowly approached the far end of the room. As they did so, Dr. Copernicus snuck over to the restrained "Barney" and slowly unbuckled the straps.
Krupper and his Barney-variant stopped at the end of the room, and noticed some indentations along the wall. "My word, it's a secret panel or door," exclaimed Dr. Krupper.
"Very observant,” said Dr. Copernicus. The intruders turned and saw the lanky scientist and his Barney blocking the exit. "Stay right there you two, the door will open in just a second."
"What--what are you going to do to us?" fretted Dr. Krupper. "You can't lock us up, people will ask questions!"
"Yes, especially me, Barney!" laughed the fat purple beast. "I don't think you or your failed effort are going to get away with this!"
"Oh, we will, " replied Dr. Copernicus. "You see, I'm not going to wall you up. Too dramatic for my tastes. But you will have hoped I did once you see what's behind that door."
"And what, praytell, is behind this door?" demanded Dr. Krupper.
Dr. Copernicus smiled wickedly. "I labored for weeks trying to come up with a Barney clone. Like you, a lot of my initial efforts produced mutations. But not all of them died. In fact, you’re going to meet my early attempts right now!”
More clicks and whirs sounded from inside the wall panel. Dr. Krupper's face took on an alarmed expression.
"You...you mean, that behind that wall....all of your failed attempts...they're inside....."
"Brilliant!" screamed Dr. Copernicus. "And I thought you were so dense, Dr. Krupper! I had you figured out all wrong!"
The paneling suddenly receded, and out of the lightless space that loomed from behind, half-human, half-monster limbs and faces leered from the darkness. Dr. Krupper was instantly pulled inside by pudgy, purplish claws and his shrieks and cries filled the laboratory. The sound of ripping cloth and spattering blood accompanied the frenzy, and the Krupper-Barney made a sudden dash for the laboratory exit.
Dr. Copernicus anticipated the plush dinosaur's reaction. "Attack him, Barry, attack him now!!"
The Barney-like creation that used to be Barry Clements followed his creator's command. Flinging himself at the Krupper-Barney, the Copernicus-Barney opened his maw and bore his immense teeth. In the ensuing melee between the two Barneys, Copernicus fell back and gleefully listened to the dying cries of his rival, Dr. Krupper.
Glee suddenly turned to fear however when he realized that he had no immediate way to stop the frenzied half-Barneyian creatures he had just released. In a short time, about a dozen mindless, half-humanoid, half-Barney monsters would be loose in the Chruch of Purple Love, killing and devouring with a mindless passion.........